Posts Tagged ‘Resistance’

Day 279: Dear Frustration

Wednesday, February 3rd, 2010

Dear Frustration,

I’m writing this note to you from the hallway floor at a youth hostel in Byron Bay. I’m in paradise, no doubts about it. I’m sure you would appreciate the palm trees, the amazingly tanned bodies and the joy of the surfing people here. If you just could get out of my head and into the surf. The waves are beautfil, I’m sure. I should just go there. This is one of those days when I’m inviting you, dear Frustration, into my life, for no reason at all – and then try to fight you with all of my beingness.

But I welcome you, embrace you and let you be here. It’s okay. You know, I’ve just had an amazing call, as always, with Ivan in Canada. It’s just amazing how well aligned we are with each other. It’s almost unreal to hear how our projects and visions develop themselves between our calls – in almost identical ways.

Then I had another call with John in the US. Clarifying and relieving at the same time. He’s shown up at the exact right time and it’s opening up for a great process.

Obviously the absolutely right people are in my closest circle right now, and we’re all moving forward towards similar visions with global contribution built into our concepts.

Yet I feel nauseous.

I’m an inch from crying.

I just know that I’m creating this pressure all by myself and that I don’t have to make it hard at all. It’s just one of those days.

Possibly this is what makes me human. Possibly that’s just another crappy cliché that I’d rather throw out the window.

Well, it’s about time that I get back to sharing with the world what’s going on and what’s up right now. I’ve been hiding out from blogging, stopped being active on my Facebook account, and I’ve definitely not updated the Facebook page for the Win Win World Tour.

Time for a change. And here’s the thing: I’m inviting you, dear Frustration, to join me. Cause fighting you doesn’t work. And hiding myself from the world, embarrassed by the fact that I struggle with you doesn’t work either.

So, dear Frustration, I’m inviting you with open arms, come here, come into my life and teach me a thing or two. Most of all, let’s be friends instead of fighting, let’s’ enjoy the beach together instead of sitting here on the floor struggling against each others existence.

Come play with me, dear Frustration, and enjoy the surf. This is Byron Bay, this is a piece of heaven placed right here, for us to appreciate.

Come join me, dear Frustration, I allow you to release that tight grip of this very moment and enjoy it, even if just for a moment.

And you know what the best part is, dear Frustration?
The best part is that I right now realize what’s the best part of having you as a companion:

My dear Frustration, you show me all the possibilities to make my life even smoother, even better, even handier, and even more fulfilled.

Thank you, dear Frustration, for allowing my attention on the details that holds a lot of energy, thanks for showing me what it’s time for me to release and let go of.

I guess I’m so good at living in my vision, that I’m surprised and frustrated when stumbling upon parts of my reality that is yet to be transformed into my vivid vision. Or maybe I don’t even need to find a reason for why I’m making it harder than it is. Maybe, just maybe, there’s something even easier. Something even smoother.

I’m sure I already know what it is. I’m sure I have the answer right here. I’m sure I know what would be the perfect next step for me right now.

It starts with turning off this over sized & over heated laptop, relaxing this over analyzing & over thinking head, taking you, dear Frustration, by the hand – and walking into the sunshine (cause there’s always sunshine, even if it’s behind a momentary blanket of clouds).

With love and my dear Frustration,
Malin Berdette

12.21 pm at Nomads Hostel, Byron Bay, Queensland, Australia

Day 173: Rechoosing = Freedom

Tuesday, October 20th, 2009

The Result – ALL COMPLETE!
* Called Andrea + texted & got response –> call on Fri
* Booked 1 date + got more coming (soo sweet)
* Reply to 1 movie mail + some extra connections
* 5 Greatness notes –> yay, felt so good!
* Replied to 1 RSVP mail –> online again
* Started writing script –> love my leather bound book!

Bonuses
* workout with Maggie and her adorable ladies
(that saved my day and got me back on track – M rocks!)
* catch up with incredible Lisa (Colorado) about our goals
(she’s raising $100 000 in value for youth at risk – L rocks too!)
* good news from Daniela about woman who wants to meet me
* lovely feedback from Shannon (Colorado)

My Approach
Looking back at the day, seeing myself being resistant and going victim to feeling sick. Kept pushing and trying and doing cause “I know this should be easy”. Then I rechoose. Let go, cut me some slack and got some rest.

The Shift
Embraced the opportunity to work out (lightly – since I’ve got a sore throat) and felt much better. Laughed heaps with Maggie (I just love her!) and realized that I still had some time to get complete before sending my accountability text to Sally.

Did the last 3 things in an instant – effortlessly & with joy.

The Lesson
I could have made that decision way before lunch and saved myself a lot of whining… and still – it doesn’t really matter. It’s just a choice and I can choose differently tomorrow.

High Five!
Wow, I did it all and I rock! :D
Lucky me who are surrounded by such amazing people!

Take Away
Pushing my way through my resistance doesn’t work.
Rechoosing does. :)

Rechoosing = Freedom

Day 145: Blogging and more

Tuesday, September 22nd, 2009

It’s been ages since my last blogpost
A lot of things are going on inside of me… getting stuck inside of my head, thinking about my next step, facing my own fears and doubts, breaking through, falling back, getting up again. Most importantly: I keep moving forward.

(Persistence is my middle name)

I just don’t know how to share what’s going on. I get stuck.

Triggered
Wow, just starting to write this post triggers something inside of me and for some reason I start crying.

I cry when I’m deeply touched by something,
I cry when I’m facing my fears and frustrations,
I cry when I’m laughing and laughing and laughing…

Here I am crying at a meeting downtown Toronto
Day 89: meeting downtown Toronto

The good news:
Crying in front of wonderful people doesn’t kill me.
(even though it’s freaking scary)

Here they are
Day 89: Amazing people, Downtown Toronto
Malin Berdette, Zaiga Magnusson, Janice Cheng, Angelina Cooke with Nadeus, Ivan Cooke, Thomas Magnusson.

By the way, I love this pic of a truly amazing modern business man
Day 89: Ivan - the modern business man
Ivan Cooke with Nadeus

Ireland, Sweden, Brisbane
What I was going to write about is that I’ve spent some truly valuable weeks in Ireland, that I’m right now on a short and unexpected visit in Sweden and that I’m heading off to Brisbane in 16 hours.

I haven’t packed yet. I mean, I have some things in my suitcase, but I’m still open to recieving clothes from my beloved friends around here. What I have now won’t serve me in Australia.

I’m confused by that fact that my things keep adding up even though I’m giving things away. And I’m a bit stressed out by leaving at 3:40 am. I’m very good at creating a lot of stress for myself. For no reason. Being calm feels better.

So, Brisbane. I’ll arrive on Thursday at 10 something pm.

It’s springtime there. Sunshine is nice. Looking forward to it.

And some more about blogging
I’m trying to tell myself over and over again that it’s ok to use my blog in whatever way I choose to. Then I fall back into thoughts about what others might expect from me – and then I start to think med utgångspunkt from the expectations that I’ve created in my own mind. Believe me: it’s a powerful way to keep myself from blogging.

I’m really grateful that there are some people out there who are carrying the same middle name (persistence, that is). You keep getting back to me, again and again, telling me to write more, to document what’s going on and to share more of it.

Thank you! :)

My style
I’m open to finding my own style and focusing on developing that. I like the Snapshot version – just writing, sharing, showing whatever happens to be on my mind at this exact point.

Oh! The relief!
Ok, right now, in this very moment, I feel like giving myself a challenge: find my own blog style. It’s time for me to snap out of the destructive right/wrong mentality that I’ve been stuck in.

It’s time to step into a curious, experimental mindset where I play around with my blog to find out what I really enjoy. I want this blog to be my playground, with the main focus of amusing myself during my journey.

So what do I want express here?
That’s something for me to explore more. :)